Did you just move to a whole new city? Me too!

The thought of making new friends after moving to a new city, a new state, or even a whole new country may sound like a tall order, but I think it helps to break it down into digestible pieces. It’s definitely possible!

I’ve moved around a few times in my adult life: spending a year in Tokyo, backpacking around South America and Europe, living in NYC, and now recently moving to Bordeaux and calling it my new home. It’s hard, I hear you. I’m not here to tell you it’s easy. But I am here to let you know it’s super possible and sharing what I’ve tried to hopefully make it less daunting. 🙂

Self-awareness is key to making new friends

Self-awareness is going to be your north star when it comes to finding your people, your tribe, your community. Back when we were younger, it was easy to just go along with what our friends at the time were doing because things were just fun or it wasn’t a big deal to go with the flow. It didn’t really matter too much if you had a lot of hobbies or interests in common because you had time and a history that bonded you, which is beautiful.

Knowing yourself and your own hobbies will set you up for success to find your new circle in an authentic way. Now that we’re on our own in a whole new place, it’s unfamiliar in more ways than one. So it’s key to at least know ourselves first and feel comfortable with our own company, thoughts, interests, etc. But I’m going off topic now. Let’s get back on track.

Your interests will guide the types of events to attend. These will be the events after work or during the weekend that you should be so excited to go to, even after a long day. You’re investing your time in these activities, so at best, they should feel fulfilling and natural.

8 Easy Ideas for Making New Friends

Here are 8 ideas that I’ve 100%-honest tried myself, especially while living in NYC and now in Bordeaux. It’s not a complete list, so this is definitely just a start to get your juices flowing. I personally fall between an introvert and an extravert, and my preferred activities skew just that, i.e., people are around in a chill environment.

Of course, if you like to party or attend more high energy events, some quick ideas would be: concerts, tailgating for a sports event, trivia night, etc. But if you’re like me, then here is a more in-depth list of ideas to meet new people!

1. Join an art class like figure drawing or ceramics

I’ve always loved to draw since I was a little girl. It was always a “solo” and independent activity for me. So I was pretty excited to learn about events around the city I lived in where drawing was becoming a social event! NYC and other large cities in the US and around the world are getting creative themselves with catering to creative souls.

From the events that I have attended, it’s a fun and relaxed environment to meet people who appreciate art or would like to get better at the practice. I especially like it because it’s a good mix of socializing but also doing your own independent thing since drawing is, well, an independent activity.

For example, I remember going to a figure drawing class at a brewery in Williamsburg that had a DJ mixing jams in the background while people were drawing the model. (I feel like this is the most Brooklyn thing ever, and I kinda miss it tbh.) I started chatting with the girl who sat next to me because her friends were running late. We didn’t become best friends, but it was nice to just meet someone new and have those introductory conversations.

I also ended up chatting with the model after the class (because she wanted to take a photo of my sketches of her). It turned out she was half-Filipina too and we kinda bonded over that for a few!

2. Sign up for a language course to meet other polyglot friends

Ah, my other love: learning a new language. I learned too late that this was a way to meet other folks who could potentially be new friends. But better late than never, right?

Honestly, it depends on the language school and the students in your class. I’ve tried so many throughout my adult life—probably three or four language schools in NYC and now two in France. Coucou French Classes (in NYC and LA) leans heavily into the social aspect of their business and I really loved that. They organize workshops and soirees that made learning French more interactive.

My French school in France (Bordeaux and Lyon)

The French language school I’m currently attending in Bordeaux called Newdeal Institute (and a similar sister-school I had attended in Lyon) carries the same flavor as Coucou French Classes! The courses are a bit more intense because it’s everyday for 3 hours at a time. But this has really allowed me to get to know other students in the class. I’ve even become actual friends with a few of them! Wow we really took this for granted during school, didn’t we? We also attend the non-mandatory weekly cultural activities organized by the school and even go out for dinner and drinks together on the weekends! I’m so grateful for them, truly.

So if you’re interested in languages too, the cool thing about going to language classes for adults is that these people have chosen to pay probably a lot of money to get better at the language. This is so different from the obligatory language classes we had to take in high school and college when people were just there because they had to be. No, these folks in your language classes of today want to be there. This is amazing for sharing the successes and challenges of learning a new language.

3. Take a recurring workout class to make a workout buddy

You may be thinking that meeting—much less talking to someone—during a workout class is impossible…think again! I made an acquaintance-friend back in NYC during a Thursday afternoon spin class, a spin class that’s nearly pitch black, save a bright beam of light surrounding the instructor’s bike.

You know how we got to being lite-buddies? I would choose the same #17 bike every Thursday and she, coincidentally, would do the same with the #18 bike. The trick here is regular attendance. She gradually became a familiar face for me and vice-versa. It was normal to say hi and bye to each other at first. And then one day we just started having a friendly conversation.

And to be honest, we also shared a “trauma bond” of surviving that nearly LIFE THREATENING spin class every Thursday. That class was so hard that it was spiritual. Your soul left your body for a few minutes at the 45th minute. But Brandon was the best spin instructor I ever had and I miss that class dearly.

4. Attend a Meetup event to meet of people who share the same interest

The Internet is a powerful resource—don’t forget that. Platforms like Meetup.com are a great place to start finding groups tailored to your particular interests. If you’re into books, find a book club on there. If you’re into hiking, find a hiking group in your area. If you like learning languages, join a language exchange event. If you’re into something niche like selling stickers on Etsy as your lucrative online business, I would not be surprised at all if there’s a Meetup group for that.

In my own experience, I’ve used Meetup for finding language exchange groups and they’ve been really good. It’s pretty awesome because you get to meet people from all over the world, since some are improving their English or learning a completely different language. Hearing about their personal motivations for learning their new language is one of my favorite things about these events. Everyone has their own unique story, but here we are, sharing the journey of language learning together.

5. Try rock climbing as a way to find community

Rock climbing is a great way to meet new people while also staying active. You can choose between scaling indoor walls or exploring outdoor routes; though, if you’re a beginner, it might be easier to start with an indoor wall. But you do you..

The great thing about climbing is that it creates a sense of teamwork and camaraderie. This is because climbers often work together to solve challenges on the best route or strategy at different levels. This supportive and encouraging atmosphere in climbing gyms naturally lends itself to forming connections with others who share that love for adventure and physical challenge.

Plus, by attending climbing sessions regularly, you’ll start recognizing familiar faces, creating moments for more interesting conversations day by day.

6. Sign up for a wine tasting class

Tasting events are an educational and fun way to meet new folks with a similar interest: wine! In NYC, the wine bar I loved going to (shout out to La Compagnie du Vin Naturel’s Wine Bootcamp) always had a schedule of weekly wine tastings. They were according to region, style, or viticulture methodologies (ooOoOo…who am I right now), so you really got a broad education when it comes to wines around the world.

The atmosphere is relaxed and you can discuss with your neighbor next to you if they’re picking up the same notes as you…or something completely different. This was always the fun and funny parts of wine tasting there.

Now that I’m in Bordeaux, I’m really looking forward to taking advantage of taking wine courses in the area! It’s winter right now, the vineyards are a bit limited. But I’m sure there are wine bistros (or caves) that I can look into.

7. Join a Timeleft dinner in your city to meet other locals

I’m not the only one who’s been getting Instagram ads for Timeleft nonstop, right? I always got them while living in NYC and I continue to get them here in France. Fun fact: Timeleft is a French company headquartered in Paris!

In a nutshell, Timeleft organizes the dinner for you and five strangers to meet at a certain restaurant on Wednesday night. When you sign up, you fill out a survey that will feed Timeleft’s algorithm that will match you with a group with overlapping commonalities and interests.

I wrote a post sharing an honest review of my first Timeleft dinner in Paris back in November. It’s a thorough post that goes through what to expect when signing up, when you attend the dinner, and how my personal experience went. So if you’re curious about Timeleft, check out the post and maybe sign up! It’s a great way to meet other locals in your city, or to meet locals in a city that you’re traveling to for vacation.

8. Walking dogs—whether your own or as a side-gig

Last but not least: dogs. I mean, honestly, dogs are perfect in every way possible already. So it’s only natural that they would bring you more goodness into your life.

I’ve met so, so, so many people thanks to Momo, my little Shiba Inu best friend and tiny travel partner. It’s not uncommon for me to have a brief conversation with someone on the street who also has a dog, because our dogs are already saying hello to each other. 🙂 Of course not every interaction leads to friendship, but it can, and it certainly has for me.

How I made a great friend in the neighborhood thanks to Momo

Momo and Perry (my friend Bethany’s Shiba Inu) met when they were tiny pups. I always walked Momo at the same time every morning and Bethany would do the same. At first we had simple hellos and conversations that were small pleasantries. But then one day, Bethany asked me a dog mom question, looking for some advice about Perry. And the rest is history. Momo and Perry had playdates while Bethany and I would chat about life over pasta and wine. Those were the days in the West Village.

If you don’t have a dog, fret not. If you like or love dogs but just don’t have the capacity to have your own right now, you can sign up to be a dog-walker through a service like Rover. This has so many benefits to it: getting exercise, having a dog in your life, and potentially meeting other dog parents and dog lovers alike! I can’t tell you how many people would ask me about Momo, even those without dogs. People just love a lovable face that brightens their day. Who wouldn’t?

The importance of consistency

This is just a list to get your gears turning or a list to inspire you to take one or two (or eight) out for a spin and see how it goes. Making new friends in a new city—or even in your very own city is not a walk in the park. It takes effort and an open mind.

Most importantly, it takes consistency. You may have noticed that as a recurring theme from several of my anecdotes in the most. Attending the same events increases familiarity, which leads to strong connections over time. This is just like when we were kids in school. We saw the same faces all the time, and we got to know each other one interaction at a time. It’s less pressure and more authentic.

Friendships form naturally when you repeatedly meet the same people in a relaxed setting where each person feels comfortable being themselves—and that includes you! Be yourself. I think it was Rumi who said quote I always think back on. What you seek is seeking you. It’s basically the Law of Attraction.

What you seek is seeking you. – Rumi

Conclusion

In the end, friendships take time. And to be truthful, the beginning of a new chapter in a new city will feel a little bit lonely—and that’s totally okay. Building meaningful relationships requires patience, persistence and open-mindedness. I believe you can do it. Take it one step at a time.

Maybe you can start out by signing up for an interesting event or two each week. Go from there. You don’t have to fill up your social calendar with a million events you could attend. What is most important is being intentional and just committing to going.

Because who knows? Your newest friend may be at that event waiting for their newest friend (you) as well.

This post was all about making new friends in a new city as an adult.